Working with your life partner towards kicking business and life goals together

Andy
Great idea. Just for the record, though, I am not a bookworm.

Ange
No, you’re not.

Andy
You take the cake for that one, Ange. But I do listen to audiobooks. Nothing beats being able to listen to why I’m on the move.

Ange
Yeah. Audiobooks are no different to listening to a podcast, really.

Andy
Right! Yeah. So what you’re actually saying is that if any of our listeners out there don’t like to read, well actually there’s no excuse, right?

Ange
Exactly. So I’ve actually got two book recommendations that are both completely relevant to today’s topic of working with your partner. The first one is written by me. It’s actually my new book called Tradie Wife: Why Winging It Isn’t Working and Breaking Old Habits will Help.

Andy
You’re an author. Woohoo. Let’s go and hell yeah!

Ange
That’s it. I am , and as you know, I specifically wrote this book for tradie wives and partners to help them feel more confident in co-leading their trade business and life with their partner. I wanted to share my own experience and tips that helped me become more confident in taking ownership of my role within the business over time. You know what? Women need to be empowered to own their role in this very male dominated industry. And this book shares exactly how to do that. And of course, I couldn’t talk about the book without a huge shout out to Habit Change Scientists, Dr. Gina Cleo, who contributed her amazing knowledge to share tips on how to change habits and behaviors. And I’m super grateful for her input.

Andy
Yeah, and I think this is a great one, Ange, because it’s the life that you led and you are definitely the right person to share your journey, to help others do the same. And looking back, I see the changes over time from when you started in my plumbing business to when you actually felt confident enough to call this business, our business. Yeah. And of course I had a lot to learn in letting you thrive in that role as well. I had to learn to give you control of some things because it’s no secret, but I am a little bit of a control freak. But that’s another story.

Ange
Maybe more than a little bit.

Andy
Uh, maybe more.

Ange
Yeah. So for those listening who are keen to get your hands on a free copy of my book, you can head to lifestyletradie.com.au/tradiewife. Or if you wanted to tune in via podcast, then listen in by searching for Lifestyle Tradie audiobooks on your preferred podcasting platform.

Andy
Love it. So what’s the second book you wanted to add?

Ange
Yeah, look, this one sounds a bit lovey dovey, but stick with me here. It’s actually a favorite of mine called the Five Love Languages. It’s by an author called Gary Chapman.

Andy
You know, as a bloke, I actually thought this had absolutely no relevance to me. But fellas, I have to say, if you wanna be closer with your partner, wink, wink, you know what I mean, then I actually recommend you take some interest in this one.

Ange
Oh my God, I swear you blokes only ever have one thing on your mind.

Andy
Definitely. Hundred percent. Huh.

Ange
Well, for what it’s worth, I’m glad you actually switched your thinking about this book because for the listeners, this book essentially explains that people naturally give love, meaning express their love to their partner the way they would actually like to receive love. But the reality is there are actually five different forms of love. Make sense?

Andy
Yep, it does. Let’s keep going.

Ange
So it makes sense to then understand more about yourself and your partner when it comes to how you prefer to give and receive love. And that way it will improve your relationship tenfold.

Andy
Yes. Agreed. It is an important insight. And your listeners are about to get the cheat notes, so listen up.

Ange
Yeah. Cheat notes. Exactly. So there are five love languages or ways that you’d like to receive and show love, as I said. So here are the five. One is words of affirmation, so basically complimenting your partner or telling them that you love them. The second is quality time, so spending time together. Three is receiving gifts. Four are acts of service, like literally cooking meals, looking after the house and cleaning. And the fifth is physical touch.

Andy
What I liked was the really quick quiz at the end of the book, which I also know is online, so it just helps you work out this love language.

Ange
Yeah, and what was interesting was that we found out that our love language is actually the same. So our number one was actually physical touch. Yes. So it makes it super . So it made it actually super simple for us because we both like to give and receive attention the same way.

Andy
I don’t have to receive it. Oh, right. You’re talking gifts.

Ange
So however, for those of you who have differing love languages, it can actually be a little tricky. And this is where this book is really insightful.

Andy
Exactly. I remember a mate telling me about a time when he spent the entire weekend, he was cooking, cleaning, taking the kids out so his wife could have some quiet. He thought she would like that because it sounded like his own dream weekend. But at the end of the weekend, his wife had commented that she felt a little left out and he just didn’t understand why.

Ange
Yeah, interesting. So clearly his love language is an act of service. That’s what I was talking about before. So he went out of his way to do things for her thinking that she would love it, but the reality was her love language is potentially the quality time and would’ve preferred being involved as a family. It’s just having that understanding of each other’s language and then going out of your way to show love to your partner the way they want you to.

Andy
Yeah, and it’s definitely hard to do that when you actually don’t know what that is. Right?

Ange
Right. So I even have some friends that hate to be touched. I even notice that they stiffen up like a board when I give them a big cuddle when I see them. But that’s how I show love. So it actually makes me laugh because I know they’re so opposite to me. So even understanding this with my friends has actually really been insightful.

Andy
That’s basically the summary of the book without spoiling too much. But the book does have heaps of strategies for communicating with each other, so I definitely recommend checking it out.

Ange
Look, it’s obviously just one piece of the puzzle when it comes to communicating with your partner, especially if you work with them, which is what this episode is all about. So before we start, I do wanna preface when we talk about he, she, wife or husband, we’re speaking really generally. So just adapt our language for whatever situation you are in. Whether you are a tradie lady on the tools, or you are working with your partner and perhaps you are not married. The principals apply all the same. So, Andy, you were saying just before that you feel a little like a marriage counselor sometimes. Is that true?

Andy
Yeah. I often find myself chatting with members about communication with their partners because I can actually see the situation on both sides, the husband and the wife. The tradie, he says to me, I get up so early in the mornings, I spend all day in the tools in the sun, and I get home to a nagging wife talking about invoices or quoting, and then the wife says to me, I don’t understand why he can’t just do this one simple thing for me when he is out in the field, you know what, I definitely can see both sides of the story.

Ange
Yeah. Look from her point of view, that quote he promised to write was due three days ago.

Andy
Or three weeks.

Ange
Yeah. and the customer’s waiting. So each day that that quote doesn’t go out is another day the customer has already made the decision to go with someone else. To me, that’s a lost opportunity.

Andy
You’re a hundred percent right, but from the tradies point of view, he’s had a hard day on the tools and he’s absolutely knackered, and all he wants to do is sit on the couch and crack a beer and watch the news or spend some time with the kids. The last thing he wants to do is do paperwork. If he’s tired. He’s just tired.

Ange
Yeah. And confirmed work is money. Yep. Yeah. Okay. So now she’s getting the shits with him at home about not doing the quote for work, which means she’s cranky at him at home, which she will bring to the office tomorrow. And guess what? Now the lines are blurred.

Andy
Right, so it comes down to a few strategies, which we’re gonna talk about right now, how to manage keeping work and home separate whilst also actually getting the work done.

Ange
Actually, before we do get into the nitty gritty, I do just wanna touch on the dynamics of the relationship just a little bit because, typically the tradie has started their business alone, and over time the wife has organically stepped into a role within the business. So either perhaps she’s had kids and taken some time off of maternity leave and has started taking over a few tasks here and there before committing and joining the business in this part-time or perhaps a full-time basis.

Andy
Or in our case, you Ange, were working a corporate job in marketing, managing a multi-million dollar budget, but the pool to spend more time with me was just too strong.

Ange
You know what? Whilst I do love spending time with you, of course it took a little more than that to get me to leave the corporate world. It actually took the growth of Dr. Drip and for you to say, Hey, I actually kind of need some help. How about you come and join me in the business.

Andy
Yeah, we were just growing too fast and I knew you were the right person for the job. And you know what? I wasn’t wrong.

Ange
That’s a nice thing to say.

Andy
I know, but it did take a little bit of time for me to let go of the reins and let you do your own thing.

Ange
You know what I call that, an absolute control freak.

Andy
Yes. Yes.

Ange
And for you guys who are listeners, we talked about this topic in an earlier podcast episode about how Andy’s control freak habits almost undid the business and our marriage. I believe it was in season one, it was called Control Freak Habits. Is it helping or hindering your business? So we’ll drop the link in the show notes, and I definitely reckon you should go check it out. If you’re a control freak, you need to listen to that one.

Andy
Yeah, but everything would be fine if you just did what I say. But we did work it out in the end, making sure we had that good balance.

Ange
Yeah, for sure. But you know what, it was a challenge because when I was working in the corporate world, it meant we were apart for approximately, I guess, 40% of the week. And then 60% that we were together, we weren’t just talking about Dr. Drip. There really was that separation between work and home.

Andy
Yeah, definitely. It’s a hard task. I’m telling you. It’s a hard task spending a hundred percent of my time with you .

Ange
Oh, what? Try banging my shoes.

Andy
Yeah. Well I, it’s probably harder in your shoes, I have to admit. But that separation between home and work is important to acknowledge. It’s easy to leave the job at the door. When you come home from different workplaces, you literally step into a different role.

Ange
Yeah. And look, it’s not so easy when you drive home together, right?

Andy
Yes. And then you sit together at the dinner table and then you jump in the spa together and then you hang out together and then you go to bed together.

Ange
Yeah, you’re together all the time. And that’s why we actually developed this particular formula called the Profitable Partner Formula. So this formula I wanna share with you is, Think of you and your partner as a, we basically as in you are together both at home and at work. And then it talks about me as in your both individuals at home and at work. So to help you navigate we and me in both environments, there are four key principles. So I know you know this, Andy, so how about you start?

Andy
Yeah, let’s go through me, me and me, . The first principle that applies to me at home is identity. You know, I think it’s really important to state the obvious that you both had a life before you were together.

Ange
Really?

Andy
Yes. We had a cracking life too. I mean, you know, you had an identity, you understood what you wanted in life, your passions, your aspirations, and it was all about yourself. Then along comes your beautiful partner and that’s why it’s important to take time away from each other, get back to being yourself, go for a walk or head out with your mates, whatever it is, just get space away from your partner.

Ange
Yeah, look, it is actually super important to do this and just get back to who you are. I do love heading away with my girlfriends for a long weekend. Bloody hell. It’s hilarious. And Andy loves, I don’t know, swimming at the beach, heading out with mates. This is about you getting back to what you enjoyed doing when you are by yourself or with your friends, and have that separation away from your partner.

Andy
Yeah. For many years you’d go to Nusua or Boron Bay every year with the girls, and every second year the boys would enter Japan for the snow baby.

Ange
I know.

Andy
How good was that?

Ange
Is that even ?

Andy
Definitely even. Definitely. And then there’s “the me at work”, and the principle that applies here is authenticity. You both need to be authentic to your strengths and your weaknesses. Actually take time to identify your strengths and weaknesses in the business and assign responsibilities based on them. Because I see this a lot, guys, we’re tradies, we’re unbelievable with our hands and our tools, but sometimes when we get in the office sitting behind a computer, I hate to say it, some of us, not all of us, but some of us like me, struggle a bit.

Ange
Yeah. Look, we often talk about wearing different hats inside a trade business, you know, different roles. So understanding the separate responsibility is actually key to accountability and ensuring that there’s actually no blurred lines between who does what when it comes to the business.

Andy
Yeah, and there’s no point in the tradie doing the bookkeeping if their partner has come from a finance background, for example.

Ange
Yeah, right. So when I came into the business having a marketing background, that’s literally what I stuck to. So whereas you used to deal with the people, you answered the phones and whatnot, you dealt with anything to do with the team, you were hiring and firing, toolbox meetings, plus anything to do with customer communication.

Andy
Well, I must say also, when you came into the business and you came in with your marketing background, right, which was awesome. And we already had bookkeepers, external bookkeepers that were doing a lot of that work. Yes. And because of the separations of the roles, it was beneficial to the team because they knew who to ask based on the subject or their question. Yeah. Then we have to move to the next part of the formula, which is “the we” as in we are together as a partnership.

Ange
Okay. So this is “We at work” and also “We at home”. So I’ll start with the We at work, and the third principle here that applies is what I call Unity. It’s about understanding what you need from the other person to take the business from basically A to B, like your plan, and even planning ahead and thinking about what you want out of life. Because you need to ensure that you know each other’s roles and responsibilities that will ultimately get you to your goal for the business.

Andy
And I think to fully understand this and to be able to get the best out of each other and form a united front, you need to communicate daily. I’ll say that again. You need to communicate daily. Even if it’s only five minutes a day to understand who’s doing what that day or where the project is, it’s super important to keep checking in.

Ange
Yeah. Look, if you don’t, you’re going to end up having these conversations around a dinner table and often in front of your kids. Trust me, it happened to us and it wasn’t pretty. Or you’ll end up having an argument in front of your team because X, Y, Z wasn’t done. But you are both pointing the finger at each other. That is not a solution either.

Andy
No, it’s not. And your team doesn’t want to hear any bickering, I guarantee you that. Or even hear about what’s for dinner that night, or who’s picking up the kids, you know? And I was actually talking to someone recently who mentioned that if he and his wife have an argument, even if it’s at home, his wife gives him the silent treatment in the office in front of staff. Now, that is not cool and that is not in a good environment for anyone.

Ange
Yeah, yikes. That’s definitely blurring the lines between home and work and probably making their staff feel really uncomfortable. So the problem is it isn’t always possible to keep the two separate, which is where this fourth and final principle that applies to “we at home”, the principle is connectivity.

Andy
Yeah. And it’s important to set some rules between work and home. For example, if we get home from the office and I have a couple of urgent questions to ask Ange I will ask for her approval to talk about it first.

Ange
Yeah. You know, like literally we actually say, Hey, I have a work question for you. Is it okay that I ask you?

Andy
And I normally say, no, it’s no . . And it’s totally okay to say no because it depends on your mood. I mean, I don’t wanna talk about work when I’m at home, which actually means that your partner asking the question needs to be okay with your response as well, and not take offense to it. You know, for me at home, there’s times when I’m happy to talk about work. There’s times I’m not, but sometimes I’ll say to Ange, is it a fun question, or a serious question? And if she says seriously, then I go, yeah, that can wait till tomorrow. If it’s fun, sometimes I’m up for it.

Ange
Yeah, and you know what, sometimes you literally can’t avoid some of these questions cuz it depends on kind of how your days roll, which simply winds me back to, uh, highlighting the importance of having a daily meeting. Even just this five minutes that we talk. So that you have an opportunity to ask your partner these questions and literally get them completely out of the way when you are at work. So connect also relates to open conversations about the unpaid workload that we all love called house chores.

Andy
Yeah, we do need to look at that. I mean, I, I, I hear a lot of tradies complain about how hard they work, but if you’ve ever spent a day at home, With the kids, cooking and cleaning and doing, that’s a tough day too. And I don’t know about you, but for me, sometimes I’d rather be out on the tools , but you know, you both are working full-time. If you can just set some ground rules about who’s cooking dinner and who’s doing what and who’s doing the laundry, and who’s doing school pickup. But I think now more than ever, you know, if we go back to my mum and dad, you know, mum was at home and, and dad was out there working and he’d come home and mum would put the slippers on, and I like all that is long, long gone. Actually, I wouldn’t mind if you did that just once.

Ange
Put the slippers?

Andy
Yeah. I think I’d sit on the couch with a cigar and a beer or maybe a scotch. And you can put some slippers on my feet and say, I love you, darling. I hope you had a great day today.

Ange
Oh, isn’t that gorgeous?

Andy
That could be the next father’s day.

Ange
Okay. Next year. All right.

Andy
Next year.

Ange
So what’s interesting about this is, uh, and I think you hit the nail on the head, Andy. Times have completely changed. Yes. When it comes to sharing workloads and especially if your partner, “the she” is actually working full-time. Then you do really need to find some sort of a balance what’s going on inside the house because even he is trying to kind of find a new normal, that stereotypical thing of, you know, you are the breadwinner and she stays home and look after kids and does her housework is very, very long gone. So we need to find a new normal.

Andy
Yeah. And if you are busy and say you’re worth a hundred dollars, $200, $500 an hour, you’ve seriously gotta outsource these things. Pay for a cleaner, pay for a gardener, whatever it takes to get things done. I know some people go, oh, I feel lazy when I don’t do this, and that and that. But you’ve gotta give yourself some downtime too. So if you are working your absolute butt off as a tradie out in the field, take a bit of pressure off with this. And if you’re both working in the business, like Ange and I, our lawn are done, gardens are done, cleanings. I mean, all that kind of stuff does make a really big difference. And our daughter, she’s at Homebush, she’s an elite diver. She’s at Homebush, which is over an hour away. So we’ve had to look at organizing a driver and I mean, all these things give us our life back so that we can still have good time together during the and good family time during the week, as well as the weekend.

Ange
Yeah. Look, this comes down to how do you value your time, so what is your time worth? It’s a really solid conversation about people who are too quick and easy to, you know, trade their time. They don’t, sorry, trade their time for money. They just go, oh, it’s easier to do it myself. But that’s where I think it’s important just to stop and go, you know what? I am actually gonna pay a cleaner. Our cleaner is worth totally their weight and gold. Mm-hmm. . Overall, just take a look at your priorities and what’s happening in your life to work out this kind of responsibility. Really truthfully, sit down and have a conversation with your partner about understanding what are you worth, what is your time worth, and therefore outsource a lot of stuff because the two of you are hectically busy. Busy. Is this buzzword right? You need to understand quality time. So let’s just circle back about this formula that we’ve been talking about. I know it’s been a lot to take in with us throwing around the mes and Wes, and shes and hes, but I do actually have a diagram that helps to make sense of this. We’ve actually put it on our site for you to download for free.

Andy
Yeah, listeners, you should absolutely grab a copy, print it off, and go through it with your partner so you are both on the same page. Head over to the link in our show notes or visit lifestyletradie.com.au/free-resources to get your copy.

Ange
So now that we’ve kind of talked your ears off about how to create a harmonious home and work environment, I think it’s actually time we wrap this thing up. What do you say?

Andy
Let’s do it and talk to you all next week.

Ange
Yeah. Talk to then, Crew. See ya.